From Our Team

Learn to monitor kid's social media activity

Posted on November 9, 2015 by Bianca De León

I remember as a teenager, my mother complained that I spent all day with my friends at school and the minute I got home, I immediately hopped on the telephone with them. She would often question, “What else is there to talk about when you’ve spent all day with them?” Of course for us, there was plenty to discuss. My friends and I would party line other friends and talk about nothing in particular and everything that was happening in our lives. It was a way for my friends and me to be connected even when we weren’t in the same room.

For most teens, peers are everything. Their opinion matters most. Research suggests that peer relationships can become the most important and influential relationships in the lives of teenagers. Most teens today may not know what party line means; however, they still use their phones to connect with friends. Cell phones are now used for texting, email, and access to social media. A recent study by the Pew Research Center indicates the most common communication tools teens use are texting (55%), instant messaging (27%), and social media (23%). In a recent conversation with a coworker, she shared that her 15 year old son sent 1,000 texts to his friends in one week. Cell phones now provide teen’s immediate access to their peers, causing them to check their phones more frequently, also known as “lurking”. This behavior has become a growing concern for parents.

Most parents today did not grow up with cell phones, much less social media. If parent don’t use social media on a daily basis, it can seem like unchartered territory. While social media is a positive tool for most teens, the occasional negative post can loom largely for them. Here are some ideas to guide and monitor your teens social media use to ensure it is a positive, and healthy communication tool:

 •   Agree on boundaries: work with your son/daughter to set some rules-no phones in the bedroom at night, 
     no phones at the dinner table, or let them know you’ll be friending and following them. It’s a great
     opportunity to talk with your kids about family values.

 •   Know how different social media platforms work: understand the language so you can communicate with
     your teen in a way they will listen. Read the terms of use for each platform, especially the privacy
     policies. Different social media apps and platforms are created every day, but the most commonly used
     ones are: whatsapp, kik messenger, snap chat, Instagram, tumblr, twitter, vine, and yik yak. Ask your teen
     what platforms they use or would like to use and become familiar with those.

 •   Watch for lurking: Teenagers who spend more time lurking are more likely to be distressed by social
     media posts of friends doing things together or without them. They more likely to compare their own real
     experiences to everyone else’s filtered and carefully selected pictures.

 •   Don’t rely on your teen’s own posts: if you follow or friend your teen, don’t rely on their perfect picture, or
     description of their perfect night as a barometer of how they are doing or feeling. Nothing can replace an
     in person conversations with your teen to understand how their day went or what is happening with their
     friends.

While many may wish for it, social media is not going away. Neither are the relationships teens seek out from their peers. As parents, it will be important to understand how technology impacts your teen’s life to ensure positive and healthy outcomes.

Bianca De León

Bianca manages the IGNITE and Two Should Know initiatives. She works with grantees and community partners to focus on increasing opportunities for disconnected youth and improving sexual health for all ages. She is passionate about improving the health and lives of young people in the region. Bianca received an undergraduate degree from St. Edward’s University in Austin, TX, and is a graduate of the SIT Graduate Institute in Brattleboro, VT.